We kept trying to feed it and follow all the directions but it died shortly after we got it. The next year we went on a Sunday afternoon and drove around trying to find parking for an hour and when we finally found a spot, some guy was like
'You can have this spot but we close in 5 minutes.'
and I was like 'Hey, fuck you.'
and drove away with Steve and Summer crying in the back seat.
This year, is our year, I thought.
I told Steve to get freaking pumped because 2015 would be the year of the Venus Flytrap.
The coveted meat eating plant you can feed actual food and it eats it, in a savage way only a plant can manage.
It was going to be wonderful.
I called my BFF Heather and told her she had to come too.
We met at the co-op and did the standard 30 minute car seat juggle and we were off.
We drove and drove and drove and drove.
We had snacks and chatted and the kids took a small nap while we looked for parking.
Finally, after what seemed like hours in the car we found a spot.
Triumphant with glee, we unpacked the children from the Subaru and shoved them in a stroller or the Ergo and were finally on our way to get the coveted plant.We walked through the entrance and checked out the booths and made our way over to the food area.
I got a funnel cake with bananas and a spinach crepe.
Neither of my children were amused with that.
Why would you put spinach in something like a pancake?
Why would you put fruit on cake?
Steve looked at me and said "What the fuck, Mom?" with his eyes.
After the kids complained and I finally buckled and bought them a huge high fructose corn syrup pina colada lemonade, did they cool their jets.
We went off in exploration and found what we were looking for, the coup de grace of the day, the carnivorous plant guy, this time instead of a cranky old man, there was a terrified looking teenager in his stead. I gave Steve his cash and told him to go pick one out. He found the perfect plant for him and we crammed it in Hattie's stroller.
We wandered around a little more and found a free face painter with a line from here to Terre Haute. I got in it and Heather took the kids to these super cool free standing sprinklers that are 4 feet tall and just crazily splash around. I waited and waited and finally it was our turn.
I knew Steve would do fine with his face paints and even Hattie would do wonderfully with a weird stranger touching her face with a cold brush.
Summer on the other hand, our "middle child", I couldn't guarantee she would cooperate. I popped her up there and told the lady, "Keep it simple, she wants a cat and I don't think she will sit for anything more than a few lines."
"OK!" she heartily replied.
Summer sat there wide eyed and staring at me, unsure of what the hell was going on.
The lady grabbed Summers head and started vigorously painting her whole face with like, 5 different colors and then blew sparkles all over her.
Summers sat still, in shock I think, and before she could protest she was done.
Needless to say, I was impressed with the job the lady did and kind of incredulous that she didn't listen to me.
Whatever.
Summer was a cat and I couldn't complain because no one cried.
I can't be right all the time.
There was a free pot painting booth for the kids so we jammed over there and painted a few pots. Steve, who is a perfect first child, Type A all the way, took the longest and had a seriously had time putting his paints down. We got ice cream that made a gargantuan mess and checked out all the high priced yard art and exotic plants they had at each of the booths.
They had live music in the middle and sheds of various sizes that you could put your name in and win. We sat on the grass in the warm June sunshine and watched the kids eat their ice cream while we soaked in the bluesy jams right in front of us.
It was marvelous.
The kids played in the sheds until one of them smashed their fingers and then Steve realized that his plant we had waited 2 years to purchase was unpotted and being flung around by one of the babies."Well, lets just see how it does. It looks fine. If it dies in here then I'll buy you another one."
He looked defeated but satisfied with the answer. Being the perpetual big brother is hard.
We decided everyone needed a nap and hit up the snack area once again. Heather bought a 'Zucchini Torpedo'. It was a torpedo of deep fried amazingness. I ate most of it. I still owe her a snack as delicious as that one, I'm sure.
We walked out of the park and bid adieu, Steve already talking about what we were going to upgrade to next year. All of us sunned out and exhausted.
We walked and Steve dragged his feet and Summer went between Heather and I on our backs while Hattie tossed around in the stroller.
Getting a little bit more done with the day with each step, we finally found the street where our car was.
Oh, thank goodness! Just up this street a bit.
Ok, just a bit more!
Where in the fuck is the fucking car.
Shit started to get serious.
We looked at eachother and our children, knowing it was just a short stroll till meltdown time.
Ticking time bombs in tow, we walked and walked some more. Circling the streets and listening for the 'beep, beep' of the alarm, our potential savior.
We stopped and shushed the children, to listen to what could potentially be our alarm when out of the bushes sprang an old man, ready to chat our faces off. No matter that our faces were sunbrunt raw and our lips blistered from walking in the blacktop wasteland that was the streets of Legion Memorial Park in the summer.
"Hey you guys! Lookin for yer car? Well, its a shame you cant find it? Whatcha drivin? My friend retired and he, he didn't worry about money, see? He got himself a fancy self-drivin car! Can you believe that? Amazin whaat they can do, eh? You see how it works is...."
Heather looked at me, gathered the children and walked into the street, leaving me with Old Man River.
"That is amazing! Wish we had that! Have a good one!"
I ran away.
"What the hell, Heather?"
"We don't have time for that old man and his bull shit."
"Alright then."
Finally, we found the car.
It was a beautiful maroon oasis, with mountains of water bottles, chapstick, snacks and car seats to contain the monkeys.
We looked at eachother with self-satisfied smugs, high fived, and drove off into the sunset.
Cheers.
Epilougue:
We nursed the Venus Fly Trap back to life, only to kill it shortly thereafter.
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