The place is huge.
It has a super awesome play area for the pre-school set, a wave-rider, a lazy river, a few shallow pools and a huge 2 story twisty slide.
The first time we went, Summer and I met our BFFs Hattie and Heather and I was amazed.
It was like discovering a hidden gem in my back yard.
Summer was thrilled and as it turns out the lazy river, is not so lazy.
The current is incredibly brisk and if you just so happen to pass by a jet, it feels like a bullet being shot into your thigh.
I got a great work out.
Summer and I had been going every Monday and Wednesday for a while and Steve was getting real tired of hearing about how much fun we were having at Pre-school Beach Swim.
So, I surprised him with a Saturday Rec swim.
He was super pumped.
Anything that gets Steve to do his chores without whining, and at top speed, scores a win in my book.
We got there early, because I know how quickly it fills up and was floored by the amount of people there were.
Whenever Summer and I come on the weekdays there are like, 10 toddlers, max, going down the slides and splashing around.
This was like Midnight at Target on Black Friday.
Shit got real, real quick.
We parted ways at the locker room and I, very specifically, told Steve where to meet us.
Summer and I fought our way to a spot in the locker room amongst old lady boobs and naked baby butts and changed and showered quickly.
We went out and looked everywhere for Steve.
Just as I started to get panicky and annoyed, he came running up to us.
"There you are! I've been looking forever! What should we do!"
My relief at finding my first born alive and not floating on top of the pool face down was quickly washed away as more horror replaced it.
This cannot be safe.
There were at least 4.5 million people in here.
"Lets make sure we stay together, ok!" I yelled to both of them in chaos.
We made our way into one of the shallow pools and played around for a bit.
Steve saw the slide and we watched the people on it shoot out at the bottom gleefully.
"Do you think I could do that?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Well, I don't know. I think I'm too short."
"Look there's a height thing over there, just go and see. There are a lot of kids smaller than you in line."
"Well, I don't know. How deep is it over there? I don't think I can touch."
"It says 3'6. Were standing in 3'6 right now."
"Well, I don't know. What do you think I should do?"
"Ride the damn slide! We will be right here waiting for you to splash us when you shoot right out of there."
"Okay, okay!"
Steve rode the damn slide and splashed us with water on the way out.
He screamed that he was going again and went on it 10 more times.
Summer and I fought our way back over to the preschool area and I told Steve to meet us over there when he was done on the slide.
My plan about staying together was quickly fraying at the edges just like my nerves.
He came bounding out of nowhere and told me he wanted to go in the lazy river.
I chanced a glance at the lazy river.
It looked like the River Styx.
Extended limbs and heads swirling in a mass whirlpool of salt water clutching on to each other while simultaneously trying to shake off the other hands clutching on to them all while the teenage life guards, obviously overwhelmed, constantly blew sharp whistle blasts for people to keep their hands to themselves.
"Don't you want to take your sister down the baby slide?"
Steve looked at me like I was an idiot.
"Fine. Wear a life jacket please."
He took off before I could change my mind.
While Summer just kept going up and down the slide with a look of determination and triumph, I just kept imagining Steve getting sucked down by all the those grabbing hands.
The only thought keeping me from running over there and screaming at him to get out was that lifejacket keeping him above water in a sea of drowning zombies.
He ran over after a little while and said he found a friend from class and they were going to do the slide together.
I agreed and told him, very sternly, that if he was going anywhere else he needed to come and tell me.
Summer was getting super tired at this point and lost the mad fervor she had in her eyes earlier. Her legs were growing heavier with every trip up the stairs and she wasn't laughing on the slide anymore.
She came over to me and we discussed playing in a different part of the pool.
She didn't want to.
She vehemently refused.
It was starting to get embarrassing and right then Steve shows up yelling on my left.
"Hey! We're gonna go in the river!"
"Life jacket!"
"Do I have to? I can touch over there and I don't need one!"
Whining is the most annoying noise ever.
Worse than nails on a chalk board, worse than scratching your fingernail accidentally on your car and slightly better than people scraping their plates with fork/knives at a meal. That last one will literally make me cry.
Anyway, we were at a stalemate.
He was looking sulky and crossing his arms and being extra annoying. My two children, both here with me in a literal sea of fun are both having tantrums. Where, oh where have I gone wrong in raising them?
Then, I thought to myself, as I often try to, what would I feel like in his situation?
My friend is here and we're having a great time. My mom and baby sister are here embarrassing me.
Now my mom is trying to embarrass me more by making me wear a lame life jacket, when no one else has to.
Fuck.
Defeat.
"Fine. No lifejacket. But I swear if you drown, I am going to be very, very mad."
"Ok!"
And back into the damn whirlpool of death, this time without anything keeping him afloat but his giant ego.
Great.
Summer and I were also at a stalemate.
Which is even more annoying than a whiny Steve.
I took a deep breath and talked her into going over where the little pool play area is.
She hesitantly agreed.
Steve managed to not drown amongst the grabby hands and kicky feet and Summer and I avoided a meltdown.
The clock on the wall was counting down the minutes until the end of rec swim, I watched full of relief as the throngs of people slowly meandered out into the locker rooms.
I let them play until the preschool area shut off the water and it became eerily quiet. The lifeguards started ushering everyone out of the pool and we all sardined ourselves back into our respective locker rooms.
I met Steve in the hall and we all skipped out, alive and well, a near miss with those drowning zombies back there.
Cheers.
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