Meltdown to 100

Steve being in school is excellent. He is actually learning, like right now, learning to read. Its amazing what a few short months can do for a kid and his big, sponge-like brain. I would drill him with flash cards and he could barely count to 20 because he was so bored. As soon as school came around it was on.
They had a little rewards system in his class for counting to 100. Steve had gotten most of the milestones; counting to 30 got him a sticker, counting to 50 got him another sticker but counting to 100 and getting a gumball machine cutout was the coveted prize.
I told him as soon as he was able to count to 100 we would go to Toys R Us and pick out a toy under 20$.
This worked like a charm. About a week into it, I picked him up from school and his teacher proudly proclaimed he had reached 100!
Yes! Good job Monkey Butt! Guess where we are going right now?
Toys R Us!
Bolting to the car and talking non stop about all the toy possibilities the 15 minute ride to the store, was an energy filled blast.
I wrapped Summer in the Moby and we held hands and skipped across the parking lot into kid heaven.
The sheer volume of the store is overwhelming for me so I cant imagine what it looks like to a 6 year old. The possibilities are literally endless in here. That is, if you have deep as a black hole wallets, which I do not.
We searched high and low, long and hard, for hours it seemed for the perfect toy in his price range.
Seriously, Toys R Us, gimme a freaking break. 3 Lego's cost 500 dollars, who in the hell is shopping at this shitty store anymore.
It was disappointment after disappointment.
Is this under 20 dollars?
No, that's 35.
Is this under 20?
No, that's 50.
Finally, he landed upon a little art kit, (off brand, not Crayola cuz that shit was 25$) that had paint and stampers and stickers and just a mess in a box basically. He really, really wanted to get it. It was only 12 bucks so I said
Ok, lets go and look a little more and if this is what you really do want, there are lots of these here so we can come back and get it.
Sounds great, Mommy.
So, we scoured the rest of the store, diving into the Boys Boy stuff.
He found this thing that shoots cars out of it, which he had picked out for his birthday and was currently sitting in pieces, forgotten about, in the bottom of his toy box.
I really love this, I want to get it.
Ok, but you already have something very similar and I'm pretty sure its broken, but if you can take better care of it, its all yours.
Ok.
He grabbed the toy and started back the other way, towards where we had already been.
Whoa, where are you going? Check outs this way.
At this point Summer was starting to fuss and my back was kind of starting to ache. I need to get a different carrier, she is just getting way to big and grabby for the Moby wrap.
Wait! I want to get both of these toys!
Well, you can only get one. The deal was that we bought a toy under 20 dollars as a reward for practicing so hard and counting to 100. Remember? You cant have both.
What?!
Steve rarely has these 'meltdowns' and I could see this one coming a mile away. Time to neutralize.
Its ok, don't freak out. Lets just be happy we are getting one toy and no toy at all. You worked really hard and this is supposed to be something fun and exciting. I think you should get the art kit, you already have this thing and don't play with it.
Buuuuutttttt!! Buuuuutttt!! I just need to sit down.
So, with Summer getting even more antsy and me losing my patience steadily, Steve sat down in the aisle at Toys R Us with tears in his eyes.
I just cant make up my mind, its to hard. I just cant! I want both, I just don't know!
I let him sit and commiserate frantically for about 5 minutes and tried to offer advice but everything I said was getting shut down and he was getting even more upset by the second. Also, Summer was full on whining, throwing her hands all over and trying to wiggle out. I'm pretty sure she had also pooped her pants at this point, but whatever.
I was losing it, sometimes being a relaxed and respectful Mommy is hard.
Well, if you cant make up your mind we better go. Summer is crying and it looks like you cant make a choice. You've been just getting more and more upset, I think its time to either make a choice or lets go.
I start to walk away and he starts crying harder.
I just don't know what I waaaaaannnntttt!!!!
This is seriously outrageous. First world problems all the way. First thing tomorrow, show Steve what starving children in Africa really look like who would give ANYTHING for food, let alone a choice between 2 toys. Priorities!
I officially make the choice myself.
Ok, look Steve, if you cant make the choice yourself Ill make it for you. Your getting the art kit.
We go and grab the art kit, Steve has a perplexed look on his face.
We have a few more minor break downs and as I'm paying I look at him, in his eyes
Do you want this? You can get the other toy if you really want?
No, I think I want this one.
Good. Lets go.
Summer struggles against me and is relieved when I finally take her out and then even more pissed when I strap her into her car seat.
Half way down the freeway, I hear distant whining in the back seat.
Whats wrong now?
 My respectful, zen parenting is gone. I'm totally and completely wiped out from this emotional roller-coaster.
I want to take this back and get the other toy.
This sends me into a tailspin. I want to turn around and shout No Fucking Way! However, that's a little over the top so I settle with
Well, I gave you around 357 chances to change your mind. I will not turn around, what I will do is take it back tomorrow and you just wont get anything.
Wrong answer, asshole Mom.
Whattttt??? NOOOOOOO!! I just want the other thing!!!
Chill out back there, we will just see. I think you need to time out in your room and relax when we get home.
Sobbing is the only sound that greets my front seat ears.
My phone rings and its my friend Heather, who is also Nanny to my 2 children.
Hey, whats up yo?
What are the Berlins up to tonight?
Well....
I launch into the ridiculousness of the whole scenario and end with "I'm taking the toy back tomorrow though." loud enough for a sniffling Steve to hear me.
I get off the phone and just as were about to pull into the driveway
Can I look at my toy?
Sure can, here you go.
After a few moments of inspection he calls to the front seat
I think I want this toy. I know I want this toy. I'm also going to take a nap after I have a small snack. I just had a really long day today and I'm tired.
At this proclamation my heart shatters into a billion pieces. Duh, Mom! Food after school! I have meltdowns and my brain doesn't work if I don't eat either! What a dick I am!
That sounds like a very wise choice Butsky, Ill get you a snack and then Ill even read you a little story.
Thanks Mommy.


Being a Mommy is rewarding but challenging. You have to work together or it doesn't work at all. Clearly, I'm still figuring this whole 'parenting' thing out.

Cheers.